Tah Tah Tah, suchness and such things

Being back from Switzerland where I felt so cocooned by my family and friends turns out to be a little tough. So instead of slipping into panic and the usual rethinking of my entire life, I’ve decided to take action to find balance in my life.
I’m reading this book where the narrator spends 4 months in an Ashram in India to practice Yoga mediation. This is just what I need. Except that I don’t have 4 months to take off to India right now. But as I was walking out of Lilly’s, my favorite massage place, I saw a sign for “yoga meditation” across the street. Funny coincidence. So I walked over, talked to a couple of people and took a flyer.
But of course, as always, my biggest fear is to get myself to go, all alone, to a strange place with perfect stranger. So I bailed out.
I was saved by my acupuncturist, again, a woman with needles is much more persuasive. Turns out that her husband is a mason and a Buddhist master and he is coming to pick her up. She will introduce me to him.
The man is nice and invites me to a Zen session and an introduction meeting before hand. I have no more excuse. He is no more a perfect stranger.
So tonight I went. I was super nervous. Telling myself to calm down because being nervous was only going to make this whole meditation thing even hard – thus stressing me even more.
The Buddhist joint in Cambridge is in a huge, beautiful mansion in a fancy area. Zen is definitely how I want my house. The place is gorgeous.
Luigi, the mason – an Italian, gives me the intro. Explains how to sit. How to deal with the mind when it wanders. How to walk and how to drink tea. Then we meet the Austrian Zen Master or however you call the guy with the robes and the sort of pouch hanging from his neck. Then come two more participants. A young guy with a shaved head and a beard and a Chinese woman. We’re quite an interesting crowd.
The concept is to sit in the lotus position for 20 minutes; get up; bow; walk around without forgetting to flex the toes at each step; bow; sit and stare for 20 more minutes. Then the Zen Master gives a speech on a subject of his choice while we sit and stare. All I retained from the long monologue (it reminded me of the high school philosophy class that I had flunked) was Tah Tah Tah. (Who would not remember Tah Tah Tah?) I actually even remember what it means: suchness. Now, don’t ask me what “suchness” means. That I didn’t get because I caught a cramp in my left foot and I was using all my meditating power to make it go away.
Once he finally stopped talking and my cramp finally went away, we meditated for another 20 minutes and had tea. (My favorite part.)
Then we meditated some more, or did the walk thing, I forget. Finally after much bowing and clapping of wood sticks, it was already over. My objective was to make it through the first 20 minutes. I made it through 3-4 times 20 minutes! I am so proud of myself. Of course, my meditation is probably not the one of the Zen master, I doubt that he thinks about what he is going to wear the next day, how not so good his lunch was, how he has an itch slightly left of his left eye, how he needs a tan, how he could go to Charleston for the weekend because it’s a long weekend and might as well go away because otherwise what would he do here alone in Boston but then again if he doesn’t stay and try to make friends, Boston will always feel lonely but hey he could wear that pink shirt tomorrow oh yeah focus on the breathing; breathing in, breathing out 1; breathing in, breathing out 2; breathing in, breathing hem I’m getting hungry…