It's a revolution

When I moved back to Switzerland over a year and a half now, I reconnected with old friends and met new ones. Little by little, we formed a small group of women who are very different and come from various backgrounds and professions but who all engage fully and wholeheartedly in a spiritual journey.

Over these many months, we went along our paths taking numerous classes and living many experiences: from shamanism to mediumship, angel writing to Tarot, Ayurveda to yoga, past life regressions to family constellations. If there is an esoteric or ancient mystery course I’m forgetting, add it to the list: one of us has probably taken it!

We also all engaged in meditation. At least, we all tried and did our best to incorporate a few minutes of it into our daily lives. That’s for sure the one thing we all are doing and it’s helping us stay grounded and balanced.

Like I said, it’s been months. Our friendships have tightened and our conversations have gotten deeper and deeper or weirder and weirder – depending on how you look at them!

But recently something has been happening to all of us. Quite suddenly and rather simultaneously, our main preoccupation has become how to bring spirituality or consciousness into the real world, into our everyday occupation.

Many of us separated the spiritual stuff from the everyday work; or we engaged fully on the spiritual stuff and disconnected ourselves from the “real” world. It had seemed to work out. But lately, all seems to points in the direction that separation is no longer appropriate. It is time to draw a bridge between the spiritual and the concrete. It's time to really get back to the material world!

The question in our minds is “How do I bring spirituality and consciousness to the workplace however concrete, down-to-earth and materialistic the workplace?” (I.e. construction, clinical psychology, journalism, athletics, marketing, education, etc)

And very concretely: how do I bring consciousness into my profession without scaring people away, appearing to be a woo-woo witch and most of all, how do I bring what’s helped me understand so much into my work so that I no longer compromise who I am and what I want with what I do. And that’s what’s making this question feel very present and urgent.

It’s challenging times for us all because even though the old ways of doing things no longer are fulfilling, the new ones are still obscure. It’s not quite clear how this will all become possible.

What’s clear though, is that it’s nice to be around others that live similar experiences. I’m so grateful for these friendships. And most of all, it’s exciting to experience how consciousness is infiltrating our society from various angles and through various professions. Times are changing. It’s a quiet, peaceful revolution and all of us are invited to play our part. And apparently, for my friends and I, it’s time that we join the revolution.

roots, dishes and a bike

It’s been months since I last wrote on my personal blog because I haven’t had the personal inspiration and I’ve spent so much time finding the right words for my business projects that I was depleted of personal words.

A couple of months ago, I had this sudden realization while talking on the phone with my friend Dave: I wasn’t putting the same amount of energy in my personal life than I was for my business.

I hadn’t talked to Dave, my travel buddy, for two months. That fact alone was wrong. But then, after about a minute of conversation about my business, I realized that I had nothing to tell him. No-thing. It hit me hard: nothing was going on in my life beside the fact that I was building a business. (A business about finding balance in your life, mind you.)

I always had enough energy to work and, when getting off work, I didn’t find energy to do things for me. I realized that it was a recurring theme in my life and this time I wanted to tackle it. Although I had the perfect excuse that my work was my personal business and I was infusing it with much of me, it didn’t matter. I needed energy for my own personal life or I was going to end up in exactly the same place than I had after Nautilus, after basketball, after Springboost. A recurring theme.

The fact that it was an energy thing made it easier. I was actually doing things, I had friends, I was aware of the people, things and activities I really loved in my life, I was just not pouring enough energy into them. So I took one step after another to add energy into different areas of my life.

First, I needed to take care of my body. I added a second and sometimes even third yoga class in my week. I remembered how much I enjoyed my vinyasa yoga classes in Boston and how good they made me feel. Yet, since I had moved back to Switzerland, I hadn’t taken up yoga again. In January I had started a class on Fridays, which I had attended religiously because I enjoyed it so much. There was this gym close to where I live that I had wanted to check out for months and months. I finally attended a class and loved it. It was just the kind of yoga I wanted: challenging, fast pace and energizing. It gave me that boost of energy that I needed and it made me feel good in my body. Energy for me.

Then I made a conscious switch in how I think about hanging out with friends after work and on weekends. I had slowly drifted into thinking that it took a lot of energy to add other things into my schedule and that I only had energy for making work appointments. I don’t like making appointments because it conflicts with my beloved value of flexibility.

However, when I made no plans, I was confronted by the fact that my friends did make plans and it was hard to be included if I didn’t plan with them. So I began picking up the phone and making plans. Once a week to start with. I realized that I actually really enjoyed putting more energy into seeing my friends and that in the end; it wasn’t draining my energy as I had thought, but it was giving me energy to catch up with them. It made me feel connected and it’s such a good feeling.

I’m still not super good about planning things with friends and I’m still on my "once a week" plan. It might take a bit more time to up it, but in the midst of it all, something unexpected happened. I began to feel rooted in Switzerland. Yes, rooted. At last.

Silke and I had planned a long business trip in the U.S. for the summer and while she was getting excited and trying to make plans, I found myself avoiding talking about the topic. After a few weeks, I admitted to myself: I did not feel like going to the States. I wanted to be in Switzerland.

It was a scary feeling at first because I can’t recall last time I didn’t feel like going to the States and even more so to want to really be in Switzerland (20 years ago?). Then I shared that with my brother and seeing the surprise and the smile flash across his face made me extremely happy with this new feeling of not wanting to be anywhere else in the world. To be happy with being here. How extraordinary!

Through this process, something else happened. I am no longer content with not having my own place and not having someone to share my life with. I started having these urges for random material things. I want my own dishes and cutlery. I want a high-tech mountain bike, a helmet and the outfit to go with it.

I wondered why I was paying so much attention to the plates and glasses in stores, at my friends’ house, at restaurants. Who cares what they look like, really? But in reality, it’s what they stand for that I so long for. I want to have people over, treat them to a nice meal, and make a nice cozy table so that we share a moment. I really long for that: Invite the ones I love to my home.

What about the mountain bike thing? Why in the world do I want a mountain bike? It’s because I met this amazingly cute guy whom I really liked and he said he likes to go on bike rides. I want to go on a bike ride with him. I want to bike across nature with someone I love. I really want that in my life. It maybe won’t be with him (unfortunately he has a girlfriend), but I want someone to bike along life with me.

Moment of doubt

Moment of serious doubt. What am I doing??? Why can’t I live a simple life? Why do I have to do things differently? Why do I put myself out in the open like I’ve done in the past few weeks? Why do I make myself so vulnerable to the outside world? Why do I make myself so vulnerable to boys?

It’s as if my moment of bliss completely backfired and turbo-kicked me in the face with a thick bundle of doubt, questions and insecurities. BAM!

The little voice inside my head is nagging; saying while rolling its eyes (yes, I can feel how it’s rolling its eyes) “I told you not to hike up that mountain and scream out to the world: ‘I’M WILLING ’ You get what you ask for.”

Within the past 48 hours, all the men that I’ve had a thing for or a thing with over the past year called me up out of the blue. (Not that it’s that many and it’s more that I had a thing for them - my life is not that thrilling - but still all of three of them within 48 hours?) Guys I had not heard from – not a word, not a phone call, not an e-mail – for 4 to 6 months. Forcing me to consider the fact that I have decided to open my heart and although it is a wonderful thing, it is scaring me and I feel very vulnerable.

Then there is the business set-up. It’s going great. We get messages all the time from people who tell us that in terms of social media strategy, « we are doing everything right » and others telling us « oh, I’m not worried about you. You are going to be so successful. » So I’m going with it. Hey, we’re going to be so successful.

“But doing what exactly?” says the little voice, again, but holding a megaphone this time.

And here we go, doubt assails my whole mind. How am I going to make money? How exactly can I « guide and inspire individuals who want to integrate sustainability, values and balance into their lives and activities? » Am I being totally unrealistic? Did I get stuck in la-la land?

I stick to the writing of our business plan. Write, that I can do. I fill in the blanks where I have answers. I take a quick peak at Twitter to get some encouragement and there is this message @silkeandpatricia that says: “I love what you guys are doing. But who do you target exactly and what do you offer them?” Damn.

I call up Silke and share my doubts hoping that she’ll have the answers. She tells me that the night before when she got back from our "veranda office" in my parents’ house (the nature around it makes it such an inspiring place to work from), her roommate had cornered her and asked these exact same questions.

So here it is. Life is good. I’m very happy. I’m thrilled to be out of the corporate world, where I could have a very good, steady income, an apartment, a car, vacation time and not much time to ask myself one million questions. But I’ve chosen this life of freedom and bliss. And right now, although I know deep down inside that I’m headed the right direction, I am full of doubt. And when I want to be very honest with myself: I’m really scared.

Moment of Bliss

It's been a long while since I have written on my personal blog. It's not that I've had nothing to write about. On the contrary. So much has happened that I've been a little overwhelmed. I'm just now beginning to integrate all the richness of my life over the past 10 months and finally able to make some sense of it.

A couple of days ago, I was talking to Silke about how I was on the verge of information overload (to further illustrate my feeling, that same evening, my computer charger caught on fire...) and that people may not understand, but I would soon need a week of vacation. At that, we burst into uncontrollable laughter. No, people would not understand: I have been on vacation since the end of November 2008!

Hear me out though: this vacation from the “real” world has been intense! I must have read at least thirty books (not including novels); I have attended numerous workshops, classes and certifications; I have done intense body, mind and spiritual work on myself; I have traveled back and forth from the U.S. five times (let's not think about my ecological footprint for now), I have visited to Lisbon, Brussels, Israel, Jordan and Egypt; and I'm setting up a business. It's been quite a year and all these experiences, all the amazing people I've met along the way, all the knowledge I have acquired, it's gotta go somewhere and my brain is full! I need an external hard drive, I think.

Anyway, this is just to say that I have not written on this blog for a long time and some of you may not have heard from me a whole lot. So here is an update of a special moment that topped everything I've been working on since I quit my job and decided to really live.

I recently spent a couple of weeks in a natural paradise by the Edisto River close to Charleston, South Carolina. I was staying at my friends' river house and taking daily trips to the river to just sit, reflect and read. It took a few days for me to overcome my fear of snakes (and all the tropical wild life) and go by the river on my own. (Surprisingly it was coming across a long black snake that got me less nervous about snakes: I realized that they were not waiting for me behind every bush and tall grass to jump out at me. They also had stuff to do that didn't involve me, me, me.)

Sitting on the dock, the view of the river is simply breathtaking. Imagine lush vegetation over-hanging on the river. Unlimited shades of green, brown and blue. Sounds of birds, fish jumping out of the water, leaves falling onto the water (it's just that quiet), bugs buzzing, clumsy squirrels dropping nuts from tall trees. Fragrances of high and low tides, fresh air and foliage. It's a place where you rarely see the trace or hear the sound of another human being. I spent hours alone or with my friend contemplating the perfect balance of stillness of nature and hyperactivity of the animal kingdom. By the river, every hour is rush hour for the dragonflies, squirrels, lizards, mosquitoes, turkey buzzards, etc. Yet, everything seems so peaceful and in harmony.

One morning, I had a moment of bliss. For those who have read the Celestine Prophecy, it’s that moment when the narrator sits on the mountain and has an intense revelation of how the Universe was created. One of these moments is hard to describe, but I attempted to describe it anyway. It's also a first attempt at "poetry" so bear with me.

It's late afternoon by the river
on the first day of fall
each animal is busy playing its part
the dragonflies glide gracefully
bringing light and joy into my heavy heart
the squirrel on top of that tall tree behind me
is preparing a comfortable nest
and the spider to my right, where has he gone?
is he extending his web?
below the surface, the fish are ready to jump upstream
six feet, I saw one jump
the man on the boat speeds by and disturbs the peace
the dock starts rocking, the water curls and waves
to quickly return to its flat, reflective surface
peace returns
peace returns to my heart as well.
the tranquility of the water,
the constant hum of the forest and its inhabitants
and the reflection of the skies on the river
spent a week teaching me that I belong here;
that there is space for me;
that I have a role to play.
The Edisto River taught me unconditional love.
my heart is full;
this summer was about love after all.

This morning, I read the perfect description of what my moment of bliss had been in the words of J. Krishnamurti as part of his meditations:

And as the slight breeze came from the hills, stirring
the leaves, the stillness, this extraordinary quality of
silence was not disturbed. The house was between
the hills and the sea, overlooking the sea. And as you
watched the sea, so very still, you really became part
of everything. You were everything. You were the
light, and the beauty of love. Again, to say “you were a
part of everything” is also wrong: the word “you” is
not adequate, because you really weren't there. You
didn't exist. There was only that stillness, the beauty,
the extraordinary sense of love.

Last spring, I had set the intention to meet the love of my life this summer. Packaged in a form I didn’t expect, love came into my life with a sense of belongingness that I had been looking for all my life on the last day of summer.

The Portraits

Back from my trip of faith in Israel, Jordan and Egypt, life seems slightly duller. What I enjoy the most about travelling or living abroad is the excitement of feeling disoriented, being a foreigner and waking up every morning not knowing what to expect of the day ahead. So to accommodate being back in Switzerland “for good”, to the best of my ability and creativity, I’ve been recalling that feeling of the unknown and the unexpected each morning. Sometimes, when we make believe, it actually becomes real.

In my bed, I start my day by syking myself up at thought that I will meet new people, I will see loads of people foreign to me, I will have coffee on a terrace and unexpected things will happen.

“You get what you ask for,” they say. I’ve met new people from very different backgrounds at the entrepreneurship class I’m taking. On the train, the bus and subway, I see so many unfamiliar faces. I meet up friends on terraces. And the most unexpected things have just been happening…

Like just right now. I’m sitting on the train on my way back from an amazing concert. It’s around midnight. I glance out the window and I see a guy wearing a fluorescent orange vest running on the street, followed by a car with flashing lights and a camping bus covered with advertising. Someone on the train says, “It’s that Italian guy who runs.”

This kind of random things. Did these things always happen in my life or did I just not notice them?

A couple of months ago, out of the blue, I had signed up to get my portrait painted. My mom had come across a flyer from some artist looking for models. The primary reason I volunteered was because it was free and second because I thought I’d be cool to see myself in a painting. La Joconde might have come to mind. Last Tuesday was the day. I showed up completely unprepared for what was going to happen.

I got to a house in the country, I mean, in the couuuuuuuntry. I was greeted by a hearty, high-pitched voice woman and her cat. In the house, there were bright-colored portraits everywhere. She explained that she had set out to paint five hundred portraits and then she would hold an exhibition. About forty portraits into the projects, she realized that she was clairvoyant. She “saw" things about her models.

About five minutes after starting the first painting (she paints three per model), she announced that I was a spiritual person and that coaching was the right profession for me. (Good news!) In the second painting, she “saw” my struggle to materialize my project. (Right on.) In the third, she declared that I’d get married soon. (Looks like my love strategy might be working after all – see last post.) I am only giving you the cliff notes of the experience. She went into great detail. It was simply mind-blowing.

My strategy to make Switzerland more like how I want to see it - surprising and exciting - is a success! “You get what you ask for.” True that.

And today I read this:

“Whether we meet the world with a loving heart or not will determine what we find:

A stranger walking toward the gates of a new city. By the side of the road sat an old wise woman who hailed the traveler: “Welcome.”
“What kind of people are they who live here?” the traveler asked.
“How did you find them in the home city you left?” asked the old woman.
“They were gossips, mean-spirited, and often selfish. Difficult to get along with.”
“You’ll find the people of this city to be likewise.”
Later, a second stranger passed by and was welcomed by the old woman.
“What kind of people are they who live here?” the second traveler asked.
“How did you find them in the home city you left?” asked the old woman.
“They were fine people – industrious, open-minded, and easy to get along with.”
“You’ll find the people of this city to be likewise.”

- The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness and Peace by Jack Kornfield