roots, dishes and a bike

It’s been months since I last wrote on my personal blog because I haven’t had the personal inspiration and I’ve spent so much time finding the right words for my business projects that I was depleted of personal words.

A couple of months ago, I had this sudden realization while talking on the phone with my friend Dave: I wasn’t putting the same amount of energy in my personal life than I was for my business.

I hadn’t talked to Dave, my travel buddy, for two months. That fact alone was wrong. But then, after about a minute of conversation about my business, I realized that I had nothing to tell him. No-thing. It hit me hard: nothing was going on in my life beside the fact that I was building a business. (A business about finding balance in your life, mind you.)

I always had enough energy to work and, when getting off work, I didn’t find energy to do things for me. I realized that it was a recurring theme in my life and this time I wanted to tackle it. Although I had the perfect excuse that my work was my personal business and I was infusing it with much of me, it didn’t matter. I needed energy for my own personal life or I was going to end up in exactly the same place than I had after Nautilus, after basketball, after Springboost. A recurring theme.

The fact that it was an energy thing made it easier. I was actually doing things, I had friends, I was aware of the people, things and activities I really loved in my life, I was just not pouring enough energy into them. So I took one step after another to add energy into different areas of my life.

First, I needed to take care of my body. I added a second and sometimes even third yoga class in my week. I remembered how much I enjoyed my vinyasa yoga classes in Boston and how good they made me feel. Yet, since I had moved back to Switzerland, I hadn’t taken up yoga again. In January I had started a class on Fridays, which I had attended religiously because I enjoyed it so much. There was this gym close to where I live that I had wanted to check out for months and months. I finally attended a class and loved it. It was just the kind of yoga I wanted: challenging, fast pace and energizing. It gave me that boost of energy that I needed and it made me feel good in my body. Energy for me.

Then I made a conscious switch in how I think about hanging out with friends after work and on weekends. I had slowly drifted into thinking that it took a lot of energy to add other things into my schedule and that I only had energy for making work appointments. I don’t like making appointments because it conflicts with my beloved value of flexibility.

However, when I made no plans, I was confronted by the fact that my friends did make plans and it was hard to be included if I didn’t plan with them. So I began picking up the phone and making plans. Once a week to start with. I realized that I actually really enjoyed putting more energy into seeing my friends and that in the end; it wasn’t draining my energy as I had thought, but it was giving me energy to catch up with them. It made me feel connected and it’s such a good feeling.

I’m still not super good about planning things with friends and I’m still on my "once a week" plan. It might take a bit more time to up it, but in the midst of it all, something unexpected happened. I began to feel rooted in Switzerland. Yes, rooted. At last.

Silke and I had planned a long business trip in the U.S. for the summer and while she was getting excited and trying to make plans, I found myself avoiding talking about the topic. After a few weeks, I admitted to myself: I did not feel like going to the States. I wanted to be in Switzerland.

It was a scary feeling at first because I can’t recall last time I didn’t feel like going to the States and even more so to want to really be in Switzerland (20 years ago?). Then I shared that with my brother and seeing the surprise and the smile flash across his face made me extremely happy with this new feeling of not wanting to be anywhere else in the world. To be happy with being here. How extraordinary!

Through this process, something else happened. I am no longer content with not having my own place and not having someone to share my life with. I started having these urges for random material things. I want my own dishes and cutlery. I want a high-tech mountain bike, a helmet and the outfit to go with it.

I wondered why I was paying so much attention to the plates and glasses in stores, at my friends’ house, at restaurants. Who cares what they look like, really? But in reality, it’s what they stand for that I so long for. I want to have people over, treat them to a nice meal, and make a nice cozy table so that we share a moment. I really long for that: Invite the ones I love to my home.

What about the mountain bike thing? Why in the world do I want a mountain bike? It’s because I met this amazingly cute guy whom I really liked and he said he likes to go on bike rides. I want to go on a bike ride with him. I want to bike across nature with someone I love. I really want that in my life. It maybe won’t be with him (unfortunately he has a girlfriend), but I want someone to bike along life with me.